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How to get over a broken heart

A broken heart is commonly known as heartbreak, which is a common word used to express the extreme emotional pain that one feels after losing a loved one. This can either be through death, breakup, divorce, romantic rejection, betrayal, or physical separation. A broken heart is usually associated with losing a spouse or a close family member. Henri Nouwen wrote, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. Nevertheless, that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”

Getting over a broken heart is not easy; some people take years to get over and others decades. According to psychologist, Bess Myerson, “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful, especially if you were the one who wanted the relationship to last”.  There are ways in which individuals can be able to get over a broken heart and are elaborated below.

Go through it, not around it. When people are faced with difficult situations, they tend to go around the situation to avoid feeling the pain caused by the situation. This will make it difficult to heal as it will be like running away from the situation. To be able to heal well, one has to grieve, this will enable one to move on step by step. Going around the problem can look easier and a faster way to heal, but it makes one fall back to the same situation in the future. When I lost my first love, my Therapist always told that I have to go through the healing process in order to heal fully.

Stand firm by yourself: Being firm and not relying on another person will enable one heal better as compared to when one is depending on another person. One should be liberal and put in mind that the problem is personal, and he/she should deal with it solely. The problem of depending on another person is that, if that person is not available then you will not be able to move on because of being over dependent on that person.

Disengage: This is where a person attempts to fill the void by him/herself, without falling in love again or desperately trying to win back the lost love. According to Buddha teachings, attachment leads to pain and suffering in relations, but disengagement brings forth inner peace and happiness.

List your strengths: In order to be strong and stand firm as an individual, one needs to list strengths and capitalize on them. This will lift up personal self esteem and in-turn lift your spirits up. The list of strengths will also remind one of what they can be able to do on their own, and that a broken heart will never take away their strengths from them.

Help someone else, which is sometimes, a guaranteed vaccine to the suffering one is feeling. This is because when you get out of your shoes and ‘fit’ into someone else’s shoes, you will be able to see that some might be in a difficult situation than you. This diverts an individuals attention from the heartbreak and will give you a cause to wake up every day and try to help the other person. For example, when I lost my Aunt, I decide to be visiting children’s homes over the weekend and help them out. This helped me a lot.

Create a new world and Hope: Creating a new world is very important to be able to have a world free from your ex. This is important in situations where you have common places like churches or clubs and mutual friends. In my experience,  we used to be members of a club with my first love and went to the same church. Therefore, by changing the church and enrolling to another club I was able to meet new friends who were not aware of my current situations, and this made me forget of my ex and move on.

In conclusion, a broken heart is hard to mend, and one has to put in extra time, effort and strength to mend it before one falls into depression. If you follow some of the mentioned techniques, one will heal faster and be able to fall in love deeply, again and again.